Welcome everyone to another Tea and Biscuits Book Discussions where we talk anything dealing with books, reading, blogging and more!!
So today I have something very special to share with you all. About something I discovered and have kept quiet for quite some time. I honestly didn’t know if I should tell anyone, but with my journey and growths I have learned from delving into the podcasting world, I realized its not something to be shamed of and something I definitely should be proud of.
So I wanted to share something I learned through reading romance, about my sexuality. I had come to the realization that I am a Demisexual. Not sure if that will shock many or anything. But it was something that clicked when reading certain books and its the biggest reason why I have never been able to make a relationship really work. What some may or may not know is that I am still a virgin. I know 32 and still untouched hehe but its very true. Not that I don’t have sexual urges or anything, because I do have a high sex drive. But when I start dating someone or get into a relationship, that is where its like I might as well be dating my brother or cousin….that is how much desire I actually feel. Kissing alone is a struggle. For the longest time I thought there was something broken inside of me and that feeling sexual pleasure with a man would never be possible. I have gotten close once but that relationship unfortunately didn’t work out there.
What really changed for me in my perspective of this being a negative thing in my life to a positive one is a special talk I had with two lovely friends of mine Christian and Queen Poiison. They both helped me realize that what I am is truly special and the kind of relationship I could potentially have will be beautiful. I never had looked at it that way to be honest. We live in a society that is so sex focused, and most men I have been with couldn’t be with me because I am different and I am not “normal” in the sexual sense. It does take a lot of work to develop the type of deep connection I do need to have a physical relationship with my partner. I hope that one day I do find that connection, but I have also come to peace with the fact that I may be alone too. To embrace being single and develop strong friendship bonds, those deep long lasting connections.
This journey I have been on in discovering my own sexual journey has been rough, much harder than I have ever let on to anyone. But I also have discovered so much strength I never knew I had and a confidence to fight for what I need and deserve. There has been much pain and rejection but also there has been joy, self discovery and truths discovered that I would never regret no matter what.
Special thanks to dear friends Haize, Christian and Queen Poiison for the support and never judging me for this and your unconditional love has helped me have the courage to share this so that others may benefit and learn to not be ashamed of it. Lets embrace whatever our sexuality is, no matter if its different from others. Because God has given us a beautiful gift in this life and lets take that in fully and embrace who we are and what we can become!!
Thank you to all my readers and friends for all the love and support over the years!! You are a true blessing in my life.